So I was woken up at about 4 am last night by pounding on the wall and shouts of ‘yeah’. My housemate, we’ll call her Ninja, was having loud sex with her boyfriend of 1 month. Where to begin?
Well, firstly, one should never be woken by loud sex. In fact, I am not so sure one should ever have loud sex. When did exhibitionism become cool? How about we all do our thing in private, and have a glorious glow the next day? That’s all the notice the world needs to know things are going good for you. I always think that perhaps one is trying to hard (see post on ‘Equipoise’) if they can actually concentrate on shouting in the middle of you-know-what. It’s also a shared house, so Ninja could have been a little more considerate: this is the umpteenth time in the last month that this happened. Other people in the house are having sex; they just don’t seem as hell-bent on threatening the building’s structural integrity. I guess Ninja sees things a little differently: I mean how else will we all know she has a boyfriend (Save for the fact that he sneaks into the house, but leaves his shoes by the front door?)?! Anyway, I fell asleep post-rude awakening (pun intended) and had the most awful nightmare. My limbs were cut off by a sword-wielding flying snake (all my little fears in one- nice). I am now recovered of course, but clearly I have an overactive imagination, which is also a little on the warped side. Worrying times.
Anyway so this post was supposed to be about friendship. I had an interesting phone call last night from boy number 3, Snowboard (post: marriage proposals). We talked about our static relationship, and the fact that it would never really come into fruition. This nicely led on to where we are as friends. It was weird but I felt that I had to reassure him that I would always be happy for him, and that as a friend, he would never need to hide anything from me. This got me thinking: is there something wrong with a friendship or relationship, when you have to reassure someone that you have their best interests at heart?
This was a necessary conversation with Snowboard and I. We have never really been friends. We’ve been acquaintances who’ve always wanted to be ‘more than friends’, and it hasn’t worked out. We both needed to point out that we have set our romantic feelings aside, and are now friends, which means being honest, happy for someone and always wanting the best for them (amongst other things, like good birthday presents). As fate would have it, Ninja and I had the same conversation a few weeks ago. Apparently, she was hiding her new boyfriend because she wasn’t sure I’d be happy for her. Now let’s be clear, I have no strong feelings about this boy. In fact, I like that she’s happy. So I was a little confused as to the origin of these sentiments. Ninja claims that my reluctance to ask any probing questions led her to believe that I was not happy for her. Of course, I didn’t ask questions. The minor issue of leading my own life and not being a prying gossip precludes such behaviour. If a friend doesn’t talk about something, it’s usually for a reason (and requires respect. Leave it alone, unless indicated otherwise). I didn’t think she was at risk of death or heartbreak, and there was nothing screaming ‘run’, so I didn’t feel the need to intervene, or reassure her that I wanted the best for her. I thought as ‘best friends’ (her words, not mine), that was self evident.
So now I am a little confused. Am I a bad friend for not prying? I mean I do have a sense of pride, but should I set that aside to make her feel better? Who knows? And what does reassurance do for friendships and acquaintances? The worst thing about this silly ‘are you happy for me’ chat with Ninja is how contrived things are now. We’ve gone from being friends to acquaintances. You know, a little too happy (euphoric, in fact) around each other, but not really open. The converse has happened with Snowboard. It might be too early to say, but I really do believe we may have sorted out our many issues. Funny how life works, isn’t it?!
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