Awkward....

There is a saying (which might be very Kenyan, I don’t know) that ‘no one knows what happens between bedfellows’. Yeah well, that shit is true. My friend, Collinda (so not her real name, it's just I've been watching the Good Wife), called me to have a go about the guy she’s currently seeing, but apparently soon-to-be-exed. I, in true friend fashion, decided that I would be supportive, and if she asked for my opinion, I’d let it all hang out. The conversation took that turn sooner rather than later, when the trust issue came up.

Collinda: Yeah, you know I told you that he cheated on me?

Me: Yeah, the bastard (see how well I do sympathy?).

Collinda: Well I asked him not to do something, because there are trust issues.

Me: Obviously. It’s like me and... (I offered a painful self-narrative on lack of trust)

Collinda: He is still doing the thing! I don’t know what to even think. What do you think?

This is the point at which my strategy came to fruition: honesty time. Woop dee doo. Or not.

 Me: You have a point. If a relationship isn’t built on trust, it’s not going anywhere, especially with you facing a stint apart from each other (see how much Oprah I watched in my youth?! Sheesh).

Collinda: I agree. I guess I know what I have to do, it’s just so hard.

Me: Yeah, you do. Good luck...I am here for you...blah blah blah.

Collinda had surmised that I wasn’t taken with her boyfriend, given how little I felt at the prospect of them splitting up. There was nothing I said that wasn’t true, but a lot of extrapolations could be made as to the nature of my unspoken thoughts. Two days later, worried about Collinda's emotional wellbeing, I picked up the phone and called her. No response. I hoped she was ok and forgot about it. She rang me the next day and this is the point at which the holes in my strategy began to gape dangerously.

Collinda: I was kinda busy.

Me: Oh really? With...

Collinda: Oh, uuuuum.... (pregnant pause, as in one carrying twins) Mr. Collinda. Don’t ask.

Me: Ah right. Really? Ok, I won’t ask.

Then the unthinkable happened. We run out of things to talk about. This would be ok if Collinda was my boss or something. No, in fact, Collinda is someone I could spend all day every day with because conversation normally comes easily. So, this really was awkward. I couldn’t ask how the date was, because I clearly thought it was best for her if they didn’t date. Plus, truth be told, I felt a little scorned. How, in the name of all that’s holy, had the cheating swine managed that? Bad ass! Then I remembered my cousin telling me that ‘there’s no point having an opinion about another person’s relationship, cause truth be told, no one knows what happens after people have shared a bed’. It was true. I had made a huge assumption: that Collinda would look at the situation exactly as I did. Of course, I forgot about shared sheets, pillows, blankets, sweat, skin cells etcetera (I have so totally always wanted to use that word).

Ah assumptions, and with that, you reclaim your spot as the mother of all cock-ups. I am going to learn to shut up from now on, simply blog, and better still, I’ll stop asking my friends for their opinions if I don’t intend to listen to them. Or else...well I don’t know. It’s still awkward with Collinda. Hopefully I’ll be able to fix it soon, by...doing nothing (Equipoise post), or maybe buying Collinda some cake. I don't know.

Thank goodness I am having a *winter legs day* ... (i.e. skirt, no tights – Only for the brave).